Tuesday, 28 April 2009

I B Washin' Ur Brain!

- I had to get Lex to help me write this post, one of the side-effects of the file I listened to is that trying to think about and remember what happens within the file makes you feel hazy and sexy and tranced all over again... I *did* put a post together, but I can't claim that it was altogether coherant. -

There always has to be some distinction between fantasy and reality. It seems I spend a lot of my time trying to blur those boundaries, whether it’s diving head-long into an online RPG like World of Warcraft, battling rival wizards in a game of Magic: The Gathering, or just playing some oldskool board games at a friends place. Escaping reality and setting my sights on a realm of fantasy can be a lot of fun.

Hypnosis holds a similar attraction for me - and for a *lot* of people who enjoy the more risqué side to it. We've all found ourselves wondering at the possibilities of hypnosis at some point, maybe as a wide-eyed kid, excited to see one of the many mind control scenes rife in 80s cartoons… and 90s cartoons actually… and probably the cartoons of today as well! (I swear there are kinkster scriptwriters stealthily sneaking their interests into these cartoons in order to guarantee future generations of perves) Maybe it’s a spiral in a pair of enchanting eyes that we’re drawn to, or just the idea of getting to experience hypnosis itself. Maybe it’s the thought of subjecting someone else to hypnotic powers of our own that we like!

I've learnt so much about hypnosis since I've been with Lex, and it's only increased my appetite it seems. My willingness to explore and experiment has rocketed, though with that willingness, there comes a greater risk, from those online who would exploit someone with those interests...

I've had a few close scrapes that have woken me up to the dangerous side to hypnosis in the past. Hypnosis seems to fulfill that "fantasy" aspect for us in real life by achieving things that would not normally be possible/probable in the “real” world. After all, it's not everyday that you'll see your significant other get down on all fours and chase their tail for a while... Excluding the internet’s population of furries, of course ;)

As we all know, what sometimes seems like a good idea, can, when put into practice, make you wonder what on earth made you agree to that bloody awful suggestion. This can apply very well to hypnosis, when I stop and take a minute to consider before I leap head-long into something without thinking. What might appeal to me in a fantasy, EMCSA context, may not be *quite* such a good idea if I were to actually to go ahead and do it. It's this uneasy, hesitant feeling I sometimes get when trying to satiate my hypnotic appetite.

A few days ago, Lex got a hypnosis MP3 online called "The Black Room". I never did find out what the woman on the file was called, actually. [Lex: Her name’s Nikki Fatale,] But the title grabbed a hold of my naughty streak and wouldn't let go. The "darker side" to hypnosis can be rather enthralling to edge into, and the idea of being brainwashed is something that's *really* caught my attention lately.

I'm not sure I'd like the reality though. Lex and I have always had some kind of 'Get Out of Jail Free' card with hypnosis, so that if anything *were* to go awry, it could be put right again. I’ve been given the suggestion that no matter how deep I go, no matter how mindless and enthralled and helpless I become, I can always return to how I was before any changes were made. Completely back to normal. Lex is *reasonably* responsible, so we’ve only needed to invoke those safeties once or twice. On one occasion, I’d been given 5 or 6 specific false memories, in order to make my attitudes towards other girls a little different from how they started out… (You can probably guess what Lex was aiming to achieve :p) In my keenness to allow those memories to really have an effect on me though, I began creating supporting memories spontaneously, weaving made up conversations and moments and glances in and out of the major memories that Lex had created. The end result would have been that I’d have had no way of distinguishing which memories were implanted, which were made by me to support the implants, and which were real. So yeah, back to normal I did go.

Brainwashing, in essence, makes any changes made with hypnosis more permanent, and so destroys the get out of jail free card. I really *did* want to try this file out, but I was worried about the effect it would have on me. I don't think I need to remind any of our readers how much I enjoy going under, and for those who have seen the pair of us on cam and in person, you *know* how quickly I can drop into trance given half an excuse. As a subject, I work to make the experience as real as possible, but when dealing with the topic of brainwashing, especially by another hypnotist, it feels like not only am I playing with fire… but I’m putting my fingers in the flame.

I told Lex I'd love to try it, as long as he could "prep" me beforehand so as not as cause any lasting damage. Lex had already listened to it once before, to gauge the content and to check it's suitability for me, and he was happy with it, so after receiving a few suggestions from him (I’d tell you what they were, but my mind was rather blank and empty at the time) I lay down in bed and turned it on.

The last MP3 hypnosis file I listened to was one Lex had written (and that is now on YouTube), which I listened to twice through. The file (called "Kittengirl"), didn't have all that much effect on me, since I've already got a kitten trigger, but I listened again anyway. The second time I listened to it however, I fell asleep. It was late, and I was tired (not to mention snuggled up warm in bed).

Now, I'm not without my scepticism, even as a subject. I've accomplished things I wouldn't have thought possible before; walking through walls, (in my mind anyway…) keeping track of triggers unused for months, and even getting robotised out in public once or twice, but one of the things I have always doubted is the success of trances when I'm actually asleep. To me, I don't believe I'll take it in. But the strange thing was, that I woke up at the exact moment Lex’s voice in the kittengirl file said "..5...eyes open, wide awake". I didn't feel any different, and had heard the programming before in the previous listen-through. But it made me wonder if sleep-trancing *would* actually work with this brainwashing MP3.

I'd not been sleeping all that brilliantly at the weekend, and so I was pretty tired when I came to listen to the file; I almost expected to fall asleep once I got warm enough. The file began, and the woman had the stereotypical female-'tist voice. Breathy, seductive, sensual, etc. I wasn’t so keen on the irregular .... pauses she .... placed .... between random .... words here and .... there. But, I persevered anyway. I won't spoil the file, but there were some good subliminal whispers in the middle section, and some interesting, original imagery. Very tailored for Serena_Blank, which made me smile, and it was good. I got past the first section of the induction, and past the second, as she's leading me deeper... and deeper…

And then Lex was above me, shaking me slowly to wake me. There was no sound coming from my headphones, so I guessed the file had finished, though how long I'd been asleep for, or how much of the trance I missed, I don't remember. What I *do* know was that I was *incredibly* warm, and umm... certain “things” had begun happening downstairs. Apparantly though, at the end of the file, several things are supposed to happen that didn't for me. I'm not supposed to remember anything of the trance imagery used, but I'm supposed to be darn curious and want to listen again....

Lex (for scientific research, of course) thought it only prudent to try out the file's success in other areas, and whilst it's *really* fuzzy to me, Lex said he was rather impressed with my reaction to it. It's kind of a hazy blankness, one that seems a little deeper than my 'blank' trigger. There's a fog over my mind, and a warmth throughout my body...I don't know, it was rather odd. Odd and surreal, really. Hard to describe, since there's the tingling of that pleasant thoughtlessness howevering at the back of my mind as I'm recalling this.

So, I've a point in either box now. One trance where I may have picked things up subconsciously in sleep, and another where I've clearly not done. Perhaps it's just Lex's voice I'm more attuned to? I'm sure he'll post a blogpost of his own regarding my waking reaction to the file (I'll make sure of it), but a very strange sensation indeed. Pleasant, but I daresay, addictive? Maybe I should listen to that file again, just to figure out what I missed, of course...